


To Remember Me By

by maxsaystowrite



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 09:30:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maxsaystowrite/pseuds/maxsaystowrite
Summary: Juno owns a wedding dress that he never got to use; he looks great in it. He still looks great in it when he tries it on again. Peter thinks so too.





	To Remember Me By

Juno would describe himself as a simple person. He didn’t need much in his home, from his city, from his friends. His wedding dress reflected this. Juno didn’t need extravagant clothing to make an impact on others, his personality took care of that. His wedding dress helped him embody the part of him that wasn’t so rough.

 

He wasn’t sure what brought him to the dress that morning. It was shoved in the back of his closet for years. The little voice in his head wondered if he could still fit in it. He wondered if he was still worthy of it.  _ I’m not sure I ever was before…. _

 

The silk crepe fabric felt new on his skin. He was tougher and more scared than all those years ago. Juno wondered if it still counted as the same body. He was able to jimmy the zipper up and closed. The back was open and showed his shoulder blades, but the rest kept him covered. Even then he didn’t like showing much skin. A bateau neckline ran from shoulder to shoulder to cover his chest. Three-quarter sleeves, elegant and understated. Full length with a small train behind him. The silk held close to his skin by design. Juno always wore things that hid his form and on this one day he wanted to show off, if only a little bit.

 

His partner at the time was going to be the flashy one, dripping jewels and covering only enough to be allowed in the public park they were going to hold the ceremony in. They were so full of life and love and Juno was going to be so happy with them.

 

Juno twirled in the dress and watched it flow around him. In the mirror, he pulled on the sides to woosh them back and forth. He gripped the fabric between his fingers and tried to hold onto the memory of them. First love always felt like forever. There was nothing Juno could do about it, they were a part of him. No matter how far removed they were from his now, they will always be a part of his then. Juno can’t be 21 again without them. The lilies and the springtime will always look like them. A cool sunny Sunday will always feel like the day Juno stood up there alone, waiting for someone who wasn’t coming. Dark red ink will always look like the letter that told him  _ I can’t do this. _ The letter  _ S _ will always be impossible to look at again.

 

Nothing will feel as sweet as first love, but other things have felt just as real. Juno let out a long sigh as the feeling of purple and cologne washed over him. The pointed grin with purple lips and perfect hair was less of a reach. Juno would always be able to smell him like he was in the room. Peter always felt like the one who got away, he was the one thief Juno could never catch. He was the one person he couldn’t hold onto. 

 

That wasn’t really fair of Juno, and he knew it. Juno left Peter. Juno made a decision for the both of them. Juno didn’t know what to do with real love so he did what he watched another do.

 

But, that didn’t mean Juno couldn’t fantasize about what could have been. 

 

With a hard look, Juno decided to use the wedding dress. It was still exactly what he wanted from a dress. He felt so pretty in it. Soft makeup and a bouquet of something exceptional would make him look like the picture-perfect bride. He imagined Peter in something stunning, show-stopping, explicitly gorgeous and somehow still masculine. Peter would be the one to make a statement because it seemed Juno had a type.

 

Juno wanted to be the one to walk down the aisle. He wanted to be waited on. He wanted gasps and eyes. He wanted to watch Peter’s face light up as he walked down the aisle. Juno wouldn’t trust standing at the top again. They’d have a winter wedding, somewhere winter meant something. Juno always wanted to walk under the snowfall as he walked towards the one he loved. 

 

_ “You can’t wear your ragged boots with that dress, you know.”  _ Juno could hear Peter say, once they talked about a snowy aisle.  _ “I will not marry you in those boots. Your toes freeze or we find you a sensible pair. A white pair.” _

 

Juno giggled out loud at the thought of them bickering about flowers and food and cake. It made him smile wider than he had in a while. His heart was beating faster as he fell deeper and deeper into his fantasy. It felt soft and safe, to think of the life he’ll never have.

 

_ “You know we don’t need to  _ **_pay_ ** _ for a trip off planet.” _

 

_ “If we don’t get everything off the registry I’ll take care of it.” _

 

_ “The chuppah needs to have slots through it, we can be snowed on during our vows.” _

 

“White, Juno? Purity isn’t really the first thought I have when I think of you,” Juno spun around, his heart stopping in his chest. 

 

Peter always looked perfect, even after climbing through a window that was supposed to be locked. His hair feathery and light, with the single perfect curl hanging down in front of his face. His suit pressed without any signs of wrinkles or dirt, despite the climb. Juno will never know how he manages all his stunts in a corset. 

 

“Though that might just be because my thoughts  _ about  _ you are the farthest thing from pure.”  Peter wandered over to the hanger Juno had carefully placed on the bed and picked up the veil attached to it.

 

“Nureyev…” Juno couldn’t muster any more than that. His thoughts were clouded, he was so light headed he thought his knees would buckle from beneath him.

 

Peter chuckled and pulled the veil up, being sure not to get it tangled. “ _ Nureyev _ ? Really, Juno, I thought we were far beyond that.” He wandered up to Juno, who backed up to the mirror. Peter frowned and pulled back. “Juno…”

 

“It’s… It’s been a very long time, Nureyev. And you just show up?”

 

Peter shrugged. “Here I thought you’d be excited to see me.” 

 

“Yeah well, things change over time.” Juno choked.

 

There was a twitch of anger in Peter’s face, a swallowing of emotion, and a sigh. “You left that night, Juno. You have no right to treat me like this.”

 

That silence hung in the air, making it thick and hard to breathe. Juno needed to gasp for air but didn’t let Peter see his struggle, his weakness. Peter took another step towards him, more of a statement than a movement. He reached over Juno’s head and Juno shut his eyes tight, ready for a hit that never came. There was a tugging on his hair and he felt the light fabric of his veil surround him. Peter was a mysterious silhouette and the far off feeling of him came back and Juno started to slip away into the fantasy again.

 

“You would have been a beautiful bride, Juno,” Peter said to him. “But not in those shoes… We’d have to get you something sensible.”

 

Juno pulled the veil back over his head, letting it sit there and frame his face. He stared at Peter for only a moment before gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him down for a kiss. It was supposed to be just one, of defiance and guilt and pure regret. But Juno’s other hand hooked behind Peter’s neck and Peter’s hands made quick work finding Juno’s zipper. He didn’t want to ruin such a pretty dress.

  
  
  


It was a cold morning in Juno’s drafty apartment. His blankets weren’t thick enough for Hyperion winters. Juno rarely felt the chill anymore. He knew the cold running down his spine wasn’t from dropping temperatures. He didn’t expect Peter to still be there. He only wished. Juno reached to the empty spot on the bed and tried to feel any sort of warmth. He clawed at the indentation, hoping it wasn’t a dream. He couldn’t handle that dream. Juno couldn’t handle the limited days of Peter he had. He needed something new to cling onto.

 

Juno sat up and ran his hand over his hair, springing it back to life. He got out of bed when he noticed his dress was hung up as well as his veil. He made his way over to it and the tiny table next to the mirror. An open jewelry box sat on the table along with a note in deep purple ink, reeking of cologne.

 

_ To remember me by, to match the dress… _

 

Juno took the dress down and replaced it in the back of his closet. He eyed the ring closely. It was made of platinum with a single diamond embedded in the band. Juno snapped the box shut and took it over to his bedside table, opening the bottom drawer and throwing it in. The two velvet boxes hit into each other and tumbled around as Juno slammed the drawer shut. Juno got dressed and thought about moving. The little voice in his head convinced him not to. Peter would find him anywhere; if he wanted. 

 

And staying would make it easier for him to come back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it please please please leave a comment! I have another Penumbra fic that i'd say is in the same vein as this. I also have ten Adventure Zone fics, along with a few Yuri!!! On Ice, Voltron, Miraculous Ladybug, RWBY, Gravity Falls, Star Wars, and Kingsmen fics! Go read those if you're interested! Thank you so much!


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